If I’ve learned anything while being pregnant, it’s that everyone has an opinion, and everyone comes out of the wood work to give it to you – wanted or not. Mostly not.
I’ve no doubt I was/am one of these people. We all are. We usually do it without realizing. We think we’re being oh-so-helpful when we’re really just being obnoxious. So, to any person I’ve given unwarranted advice? I really am sorry.
It’s pretty amazing how many emails I received in the first few months of my pregnancy to inform me why home birth is the way to go, and how I’m not a real woman if I get an epidural.
Let me state, your birth plan is your birth plan. If that includes staying at home, sitting in a pool of warm water, with a midwife, as well as no pain medication? Good for you. I don’t think it makes you more of a woman any more than my going to the hospital for delivery makes me less of one.
Listen, there are many reasons I’m giving birth in a hospital. For one, I’m high risk. Any sane midwife, any truly qualified midwife, wouldn’t touch my case with a 10 inch pole. I trust my OB, as well as my maternal fetal medicine doctor. They’ve spent years in schooling, and both have delivered many a baby. If anything goes wrong, I will be in a facility where they can act straightaway, which gives me a grand amount of comfort.
Well, that doesn’t mean you need pain medication, you say. To which I respond…
Who has two thumbs and will get an epidural? This gal.
Again. Your birth plan is your birth plan. If you can handle squeezing a watermelon out a hole the size of lemon? Good for you. But I’m not great with pain. I never have been.
I also can’t believe how many people have blatantly asked me if I’m going to breastfeed – people I barely know! And, before I can even answer, they start listing all of the reasons I should be ashamed if I don’t.
What is with the shaming? Why not give me all of the reasons breastfeeding is great for my baby, instead of belittling and tossing out judgement? I suppose this is a trigger topic for me, because I’ve several friends who, for one reason or another, were not able to breastfeed. They’ve also been shamed, treated like failures and bad mommies. It’s not okay.
Yes, I’m going to do all I can to breastfeed. I think it’s important. But I know anything can happen with my lupus. I’m optimistic about the future and my health, but I won’t pretend that it can’t change at any moment. That’s my constant reality. If I can’t breastfeed, I will not beat myself up. I won’t be ashamed.
(On a side note: I know some women who also shame those who do breastfeed, which is not okay. I don’t understand the mommy shaming. Can’t we all just get along – join hands, sing kumbaya, or something?)
So, I’m reading back through this post. Obviously I’m fairly testy today.
I guess it’s time for some chocolate. Posthaste!
The Unabridged Life 
You tell ’em.
I went without the meds, but birth is pretty easy for me. However, not every woman has the pain threshold of a biomechanoid like the Terminator. 😛
I went to a hospital and won’t ever touch home birth if I can help it given the peace of mind I got from having been with a top-notch medical team when things went south the first time.
Above all, you have to make the choices YOU are comfortable with. You know your body better than anyone else, including your OB. If I can impart any kind of advice or support, it’s to not be afraid to trust your own instincts. ❤
LikeLike
“Above all, you have to make the choices YOU are comfortable with. You know your body better than anyone else…If I can impart any kind of advice or support, it’s to not be afraid to trust your own instincts.”
Amen to this a million times, Heather! This is exactly the right thing to say to ANY woman, no matter her birth plan.
I would never be comfortable with a home birth. I’ve heard to many stories where things go wrong, and though I live only a few minutes away from a hospital – well, a few minutes is a long time in an emergency situation. I wouldn’t be able to relax, and I don’t think that would be helpful during labor.
And yes, we have to trust our instincts. It’s so important. We have them for a reason.
LikeLike
Oh my goodness, girl! I am with you on all the advice. Kiefer’s ex had both boys at home, so I heard it all! Because I was high risk like you, I went to the hospital (I would have anyways because like you said: a few mins is a long time in an emergency).
Also, I’m posting advice, err, things I found helpful when I was pregnant that I didn’t know and was glad someone told me. Many insurance companies will send you a free breast pump if you call and ask. And Enfamil will send you a free Welcome package (cooler, ice pack, and free samples because formula is expensive!) once you have the baby if you call and ask them.
LikeLike
I like your posting advice, because it’s actually really helpful to know! 🙂 I knew about the insurance company, but I had no idea about Enfamil. I’m going to definitely do that! Thank you!
LikeLike
Yeah definitely get samples. Levi was such a hog 😉 that i had to feed him formula quite regularly but never had to spend a penny on it. It’s great to have around. You can also get samples of diapers which is nice because papers gave Miley a rash and then i had a whole bag of useless diapers…
LikeLike
Malinda, I’ve heard of different brands of diapers giving rashes. This is actually something I didn’t think about/know beforehand, so it’s good to know I can get samples, too! Thanks!
LikeLike